Some people don't really know what it is they want. Many define what they want by stating what they don't want. The result, they get exactly what they don't want. Why because instead of focusing on what they do want they are focused on what they don't want. I recently discovered this while having a disciplinary discussion with our eleven year old daughter. The discussion was about her behavior and why it is wrong. What's funny about this is we had this exact same discussion less than sixty days prior.
During this discussion I realized that my daughter did not think she was doing anything wrong, she believed she was acting according to what was acceptable for an eleven year old. I had to think about this for a bit because she did not understand that it is not ok to misbehave. I got the idea to use an example and ask her what she thought about it.
I said, "A person robs a bank, is caught and goes to jail. As soon as that person gets out they rob another bank is caught and goes to jail again. Gets out robs yet another bank and goes to jail. What do you think about this?" "There's a problem," was her answer. Then I said to her, "You are the person robbing the bank". The look on her face was utter devastation. I then explained to her that when she misbehaves it's like the person robbing the bank. The robber did not want to go to jail but that is what he/she got, exactly what they didn't want. That's what you get every time you misbehave; you get everything that you don't want. The logic was inescapable.
If you focus on the things you don't want, you are going to get what you focus on. Now that might seem like it's backwards but in reality that is exactly what many people do and they don't understand why they continually get the results they get. Your mind attracts to you that which is the center of your focus. If your focus is on what you don't want you will get that which you focus on. While the above example is a bit extreme the point is you attract to you what you think about. My daughter said she was always thinking about not getting into trouble, what did she get?
It is extremely important to be specific about what you want as well. It is not enough to say you want more money; you must be specific about the amount of more money you want. If you make $40,000 a year, your subconscious mind thinks that $40,001 is more money which it is and therefore you have reached your goal. Your efforts to get more fail because you're now thinking I don't want $40,001 I want more. If you want to lose weight, loosing 1 pound to your subconscious mind is achieving your goal, you lost weight.
Now you might be thinking "I want to make more money and in the back of your mind more money means $50,000 a year, but all you say is more money. See the difference? You must be specific and say next year I want to make $50,000 or I want to lose 20 pounds in three months. You must know exactly what it is you want or you will fail to get it.
How to make your dreams a reality.
You must know exactly what it is you want.
You must know every detail, how having what you want will make you feel. What having what you want will do for you, give you more status, more prestige, raise your standard of living. You must know every detail or you will stumble along the way and feel like a failure.
You must have a time frame in mind.
You need to set a date by which you expect to have gained the object of your focus. If you desire to fit those designer jeans by springtime and you need to lose 15 pounds, set a date by which you expect to have lost the weight. Then using a series of smaller goals, affirm to lose 1 to 2 pounds pre week by mapping out a diet to cut out 500 calories a day.
Your desire must be measurable.
First start out with the end result clearly in mind. You should start out with a series of smaller obtainable goals. Success with these smaller goals fuels your confidence towards achieving a larger goal. Then have something to gage your success by. Starting with the end result, work backwards in detail until you get to the starting point where you will set out to achieve you goal. This gives you the exact steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Each step should lead you closer to obtaining your desired result. This becomes your ruler, check to see if you are on course.
Always write out your goals.
Writing your goals out is another way to check if you have strayed from the course. It gives you something to follow. Write your goals out and read them daily. We have billions of thoughts per day and a goal is just another thought. Writing it down helps to keep that thought in mind instead of it being replaced by one of the other billions of thoughts. It also helps with your commitment to your goal. Seeing it daily reaffirms it in your mind.
Get a success partner.
One way to insure success with obtaining any goal is to have a partner. Someone who will encourage you and help you stay on course. It's important to have someone who will stand by you and not someone who will try to discourage you. Champions Evolution is a coaching service that helps people set goals and achieve them. They deal with confidence and self-esteem issues and they show you how to believe you can have what you want.
Evaluate your progress.
Are you making headway? If not, why not? Adjust your plan to meet your long-term goal. Are you meeting your weekly or monthly weight loss goals? If not, determine what might be the problem. Add another half hour of walking each week or cut out second helpings.
Challenge yourself through adversity.
That means work hard, push yourself and feel a little discomfort if it means helping you reach your goals. Understand and acknowledge that change is not easy. If it were, you would have already achieved your goal. We tend to revert to previous behaviors when change gets difficult. Now is the time to develop new life behaviors.
You have a choice in what you get or don't get. You choose to have success or you choose to have failure. There is nothing in between the two except you. What you choose to think about will be what you get. Focus on failure and no amount of effort will bring you the success you desire. The thing to do is focus your mind on success.